Why are you such a bitch?

Who has heard that question before??? Why are we so upset, bitter, anger, downright pissed all the time? Well because we carry so much weight and burden.

I realized in my late 20s this burden I was carrying was really restatement and anger resulting from intense anxiety. This feeling weighed heavily on my heart and soul. It would manifest as the stereotypical black women emotions. Most of us would be labeled as mean, rude, hateful, argumentative, abrasive, and you know.....a bitch. But really, it's way deeper than just "having an attitude" it's carrying the trauma that was passed down 100s of years ago. Yea it goes that far back! We have been taught that the struggle we see our grandmothers, aunties, sisters, mothers endure is normal, and that is what makes us "strong black women." Cut the shit there is nothing strong about putting yourself last every time, and as black women that is something common within our world.

For example, I gave birth to my son, and it was a magical experience. Becoming a mother has been challenging but the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I can say that I had a pretty standard or typical pregnancy. I had the regular cravings, God awful exhaustion (literally would just pass out anywhere), weight gain, and of course my nose spread lol. Delivery was loooonnnnngggggggg and after the baby bliss and the new baby smell wore off.....BOOM baby blues, postpartum rage/depression, we was in the mother fucking trenches. Now, I definitely have a village that helped. Between my amazing husband who would take the night shift and be fighting for his life every night so I could sleep, and my mother-in-law staying with us all the time to help us, to my amazing friends and family supporting as well. With all that help it has still been a damn struggle.... like how do y'all single moms do it!!!!! because baby I am bout tired ok! I say that to say this.....the perception that moms specifically black moms are just supposed to do it, is rampant within our culture. My mother-in-law said something to me that struck me as odd and speaks to what this whole "struggling and suffering" black women go through. My son was about 4 weeks old, and we had our first family outing to dinner. I saw a mom with about 5 children, and I instantly was triggered. I stated out loud, "I could not do what she is doing 5 kids! 5!. My mother-in-law said, "Honey yes you can I did it with 2 all by myself." I instantly got so sad like why do you think it is ok to raise 2 babies by yourself. Now she did have help and my husband's dad is super present and involved father, but he was always working. So, she had my husband and sis in law all by herself. She is something special to be able to provide such a loving environment for kids while she had her own struggles but why???? Why do black women automatically accept that as normal? The burden of the world to carry alone, while raising babies by yourself, its unacceptable and we have to stop deeming it as such.

The bitter baby momma narrative is another tale of a black women.........girl I 100% see why! I would be bitter too if my child's father did not care or a partner that was not present. But this is a life that has been perpetrated as normal and accepted by all. We all have seen this within our own families, and it is embedded within in our culture or even DNA. We are just supposed to figure it out and you can't be mad right? You picked him, right? You knew he had other baby mommas, right? Well, I did it so you can do it too! You married him right so you should have known he wouldn't be a present to those kids too?? Well, why are you mad he pays the bills? These are all things that single mothers have heard (single moms that are married yes that is a thing). Again, another burden to carry that weighs heavy on your heart. This pain can manifest into anger, restatement, anxiety, and depression. How can you be the best version of yourself for your kids and anyone else around you if you are carrying this angry?

Now this is just a small example of what black women go through with motherhood, raising babies, working, supporting families financially solo dolo, suppressing trauma, accepting abuse, micro aggression in the work force, emotional abuse, physical abuse, mental illness and the list goes on. Now the question comes into play again.... Why are you such a bitch???? Well, that is why I am tired, not just tired burned out, no not just burned out, I am completely drained of any essence I may carry, and if I had any what do......most black women do??? We give it away to people that don't deserve it or give our last. Let's start asking ourselves........how can I be happier, less angry, more at peace. We are dealt the cards given to us, but what we do after that is where we have the most control. How we respond to what is presented to us will always be the power we have. Once we unlock that power, we are unstoppable. People will stop asking why are you such a bitch to why are you so happy?

-April T.

"Be the person that kindness is not a strategy but a way of life."